the little bellydancer that could....

Sad to say my grandfather passed away last week and I have been working through my grief here in California. Gearing up for an epic performance with the RedC girls for Taste of SLO. Timing of the past weeks events has tested my emotional stamina to the point that I realize my true strength.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

The Why?

I happened to received the dvds The Flowering of Human Consciousness Part I and II, a live lecture of Eckhart Tolle discussing attachment to the ego, labeling, etc. ,  this past week via netflix. These dvds have been sitting on my netflix cue for months, so I was a bit surprised at their timely arrival during my yoga training. Moon, the director of the advanced  500 hr.yoga training, was extremely excited about watching the lecture. Yesterday, Moon, Lisa Jo and I watched in awe digesting the intense information he shared and discussed parts together reflecting on the key points that struck us deeply. One idea that most intrigued us was, allowing yourself to not identify with your name, essentially forgetting who you think you are or want to be...unattaching from the basket of the content of your mind. Not defining your existence based on how you make a living, your hobbies, your children/family, your goals, your knowledge,etc.

Out of our discussion, I related Eckhart's questioning to a childs developmental stages.....Think back for a moment to when you were four or five years old. Do you remember asking they "Why?" for just about everything? This is the moment you started or your children/grandchildren started living from their mind/ego or the little self...we became unconscious, living for the furture..... And living in the moment, surrendering to divine is lost and the suffering begins....really, we don't need to know the answer to the "Why?"(eg like why did this happen to me? Why did this person have to die?etc) because despite the answers or frustration our parents had....there's no answer but to live in the present moment, in your state of consciousness.

The root of suckling attachment :Part One

The past few months I have been moonlighting as a babysitter for a neighbor and yoga student of mine. The child of nine months, Millie, is struggling through a painful teething period and has totally figured out that when I come over and began playing, reading stories, doing baby yoga, I am just a distraction, so mommy can slip out the door to an badly needed acupuncture appointment or into her home office to work. Her reaction is priceless, to cry and scream until.....when she realizes mom isn't home, she surrenders to nap on my chest as I walk around  the house or the neighborhood. The last episode Millie had, I was overcome with the realization of her attachment to her mom and wanting to suckle to comfort her unknown fears. So what do we suckle to comfort our fears? For a baby it is simple, a breast, or bottle becomes a tuk or a special blanket or toy as a child. And then what? A car, a house, a piece of jewelry, a family member...just notice what comes to mind. I am not asking you the give it up or give it away. Just imagine for a moment if that you suckle didn't exist any longer...it was taken by death, or theft...how would you choose to part with it....

The sycamore morning

 ****this is an draft post that was a bit uplifting to read this morning, I no longer live in this apartment but instead closer to the beach surrounded by the wild cats that eat the gophers that invade my organic garden...

Yesterday the bed frame went up, the cats roamed the box riddled apartment climbing to their heart content and we watched a movie on my laptop on our bed. I am so grateful for my bed and I know P is too. It's amazing how our own bed feels the best. I think the cats missed it, too. They were sleeping in it when we left this morning to drop P off to get picked up for work by a kind co-worker.

Our home has this beautiful sycamore tree growing up and over the loft porch. The leaves greeting my car each morning with stark yellow leaves. I wonder what magick properties this tree holds, but I have had a feeling of hope ever since I walked into this place. We never saw this place during the day before we decided to rent it. Why? I just knew, so did P. We were mean to live here in the valley full of goats, foxes, deer, horses, coyotes and the legendary mountain lion. The nature springs, brooks, the organic farm down the street, this is my heaven calling to me. The rain last night washed away the dust and cleansed my soul, not to mention my car. And the sycamore came to mind again, "symbolizes development, perseverance and vitality. They are often able to grow where no other tree can" , according to Morgan Lefay. Maybe I am a sycamore tree, a survivor, a pioneer.

The silence is broken: An Update

I'm back to chat/blog my way through my existence. Regrouping for the next two months of the second module of  500 hr. advanced yoga teacher training. I have some homework to turn in. A brief paper on the Gita, well, not the whole thing! More like a study guide or outline questions and insights. The advanced pranayama (breathwork) hasn't quite become ritual, yet almost daily...I have had a few missed days...I am scheduled to receive a personal mantra for meditation and plan to use this mantra while I knit one item just to test a little theory of mine...can you guess what a knitted garment would feel like if its intention and hours of creation were devoted to a single  mantra of peace, love, abundance, ect.(not to mention the benefits of the practice the knitter would receive in the process) Imagine it...I been dreaming about it......
One way to blend my practices together...:>

So my next project on raverly....om knit.