Happy Witchy New Year!

Today is the first day of my independent life in California with my patchwork family of friends and co-workers. I am content with the boxes that surround me in my loft apartment just because it is my bit of country. I saw a fox this morning playing with some squirrels in and among my landowners goats. Wild turkeys welcomed me into town as I followed P in the moving truck. I am reconnecting to my mother, mother earth and my brothers and sisters. Witnessing the sun rise within the foggy clouds spotted with blue sky filled me with a sense of peace I have never known.

Respect my autho-rita(y)!

So here I am again, clocking in then my stress bubbles are brewing around my favorite holiday and irony or not, at the end of the year. P and I are moving this Halloween into a place we can call home and the wishy-washy expectations known as "respect" aren't throw around like MC-57 firing into a crowd of onlookers. Yes, my home life at the in-laws went from plain uncomfortable, but safe to verbally and emotionally abusive. The turn of events was an occurrence surrounding my-laws fears and financial woes. Because we happen to be living in close proximity, we are hit with the direct fire of blame, guilt, and miscommunication. Fear is a serious powerful thing if one lets it rule their lives and I have been watching it prosper in my in-laws. Oddly enough, we understand their situation, and we are not anger with anyone. I just refuse to be the dumping ground, ATM machine or gossip catcher for family. I just don't operate that way.
So I wanted to explore the meaning of "respect", since this loaded word seems to be thrown around alot lately. One of all the sites I've read this morning this one floats my boat and rings some truth home, http://www.eqi.org/respect.htm#What%20Respect%20Is. Check it out. I especially am interested in the relationship of fear & respect, this bit reflects my current situation with my in-laws. How can I explain why I don't want to live in fear anymore?

Once upon a virgin

So I recently, started reconnecting with an old flame, my high school sweetheart, via email. A little catching up about the family, I did date the boy for almost three year, kind-of my best friend and all. It's nice to know after I broke his heart that he is happily married and expecting a child now.

Back in the day, I vowed to stay a virgin until I was married and unfortunately, I fell in love really hard. I stayed a virgin, Travis respected me and I respected him. Although, when one person hurts another they love all bets are off. I allowed my ideals rule my emotions and hold me back from losing my virginity to my first love as he tried to make out with me when he had a girlfriend. Do I regret that decision? No, I had sense.

This may explain the dream vision I had last night about Travis. I dreamt that I and him joined together energetically like psychic sex that we had as a young couple. Every full moon and other evening we would meet in a dream and be together, become one person explore our divine-ness of light. After we broke up, we psychically kept track of one another, watching from a distance. I wanted to ask him if he had "the dream" last night if he even remembered.

I haven't been to that plane of existence in awhile....reconnecting love.

Today I want to give birth.....

Maybe its just the anticipation of the arrival of my niece or my partner's cousin who just found out she's pregnant with her second or watching the movie knocked-up last night. Today I want to start a family...It's crazy I know. I am still living with my in-laws, my partner is still trying to land a full-time job and plans on going back to school. Financially, we are in no position to try...Not to mention the fact that I vowed to get to Thailand and India BEFORE setting down. I have to admit....today, I am not sure if I am trusting the universe by noticing the baby theme around me or maybe I am just feeling the pressure from my family and society to give birth.

When I left Minnesota, I decided to let go of my beautiful home and the idea of setting down like my parents did. I let go of the idea I had to have children in order to be a family with my partner. I really wanted to see the world and love the kids around me because the best parents I had were the people/parental figures around me who inspired me, not the parents who give birth to me. Don't get me wrong I love my parents, I am grateful everyday for their hard work in raising me. I just believe that it take a village to raise a child and I try to be apart of that village for my nieces and nephews as I was for my students. In fact, one of the reasons we stayed in Minnesota so long was, my nephew J, looked up to P and I as his normal stable parents.

Do I have a village to help me? Like I help others....Not too sure. Maybe that's why I want to move to Madison so badly. A small bit of fear is there lurking that I can't have a child now because of this or that and I can't wait because I might wait too long. The "what if 's" creep in....Yet I know deep inside that when the time is right, I will know and rise to the challenge of birthing a physical child not just the idea children I have right now.

I am not sure how I truly feel overall, but I do know this.....today I give birth to ideas, and maybe there is never the right time to have a physical child, but I will use my will to create a situation in which supporting another human being into this world is possible. And if I trust fully the people who "Morrigan" needs, they will rise up to create a village for her, too.

Summer deconstruction

The business of summer is in full swing, vistors flow in and out of my yoga classes while my regulars become less regulary attending my classes go on trips or simply enjoying the sunny weather. The ebb and flow of students as well as ones yoga practice are dufitully linked. Where once the choas of summer overwhelmed me with choices of things to do, to see, to spend my money on...now I wade through this summer storm until the reflection of winter. I remind myself to pace my adventures, to have patience through the rush of the harvest time and to enjoy every moment.

Including the moment when my law-in, my roomates, decided to remodel. The project started as a kitchen cabinet refininshing and become a full-blown kitchen remodel. Each day this project grows with ideas and dismantling of more spaces hallway corners, rewiring in the attic, plumbering,etc. Making a large four bedroom house seem like living in a fishbowl. I am extremely grateful for a room with a bed to sleep in and house my two cats.

Ok, so my silence has been here, but louder than ever in my life. My partner is with me in Cali without a job still....I am trying to be relaxed about the whole situation, but my patience is really being tested. Who knew this town was so small that without local connections one can land an review or a job. I am trying to whipped up spells to help the energies along with the house to sale, P to get a job, and an affordable apartment/house in the area. I feel like my energy is spread thin, but I am trying some candle magic along with the divination I have been using.

Meanwhile, I am totally hankering to dance at a powwow and work on my tradecloth outfit as well as beadwork. Unfortualy, the beadwork will have to wait until the storage unit can be looked through...there are only a few powwows in the area each year. I am planning on dancing at the Chumash Powwow in early October. Maybe the only northern tradish dancer there!

Everything is holy now

As I listen to the kritan music flowing into my heart, I am tuning into my true self. Lately, I have been teaching some new classes, family yoga and mom & tot yoga. My silent meditations has been speaking to my love, my motherhood of teacherhood as with yoga especially working with families, empowering mothers pre-motherhood into blessful parenting...the idea of witnessing each person reconnect with a parent, child, lover, sibling or unborn spirit...it is truly beautiful. I feel I am to focus on my family yoga classes, my prenatal classes, and all ages in between....so I can help people reconnect to themselves and the ones they love, the community family.....hmmm, love. I need to come back to the bakati (heart center/love) yoga practice and chanting more hence the new downloads of kritan music:>

May the mothers of the world be blessed, be loved each and everyday. May unconditional love flow freely like the rivers flowing together to the ocean. May you feel the connectiveness, the divine joy as a child of mother earth. This is my gift to you with all my gratutide, namaste.

The pulling moon, the tides and my flow.

Yes. I am talking about my menstrual cycle. After the numerous, dreams about the human consciousness awakening...I are noticed that my cycle is changing. I always called it " I'm in the fullest of my moon" and now my lunar cycle is matching the lunar cycle of my grandmother moon. As the earth is changing, I am changing with her, with the tides, with grandmother moon and grandfather sun. Its changing...the herbs I once took to ease my flow are not as helpful...the imbalance I feel in my body. I wonder if I am detoxing Mother Earth, too as well as my own body. I am seeing more visions now then ever before....just flowing into my life, a spring tide.

Blessed I am...

Today I woke up with the need to reconnect with those friends and colleagues who have been wondering where I am and how the move has been. In the midst of reconnecting, I realized my gratitude toward each and everyone of these people. All of whom support me and my blossoming service to others in the wellness industry.

• Jade, the faithful founder of RCG-I
• Rebecca, my shadow from MN who is following her own path in AZ
• Sally Jo, my new cella advisor
• Ger, the art teacher who can't stop having kids (on number 5!)
• Grace, the Birdwing staffer who is following in my Thai massage foot steps
• Linda, the Birdwing Spa "mom"
• RG , the mother I never forgot
• Renee, my country penpal in MN from the tea gang
• Heather, my adopted English Grandmother who taught me the real meaning of karma yoga
• the whole tea gang....I am sipping tea in your honor its Friday!

Today my new office friend donated to me two bags full to louging clothes, I am so blessed!

Intensive or not?

Well, is weekend did more empowering of my WTI (Women's Theology Institute)circle community than I would have imagine as the events of the weekend unfolded. So I took a flight to Seattle last Thursday with a brief stop in Salt Lake City, and I met Ade from my WTI circle. I spend my first night at her beautiful witchy house, full of Frida art, and a sea of Mother Mary.
A snow storm kept Jade in Madison over the weekend and my WTI sisters without a cosmology intensive. Of course, the gals were totally dissappointed and I was too for a few minutes. Then I just figured we could use the weekend as a Cella weekend instead. Why not? As the weekend went on without a second thought as to the strength and flexiablity within the group to adapt to the present gifts we were given. I felt the women really connect with each other and discover their creativity and personal power to let go and move on. I really got a clear picture of the groups relationship with the motherhouse and SJ.

Surrendering to your higher power

One of my good friends came back to her car only to find it broken into....at our soccer game. Living without attachments within the eight limbs have been personal struggle for me. Watching my friend detach from her cds, massage oils and her laptop, was hard for me to hear. I've been there....when my last car died in Utah and my Saturn wouldn't start a block away from my house. Car have an odd attachment with me, so does jewelry when I misplace something or it finds a new home with someone else. Attachments can cause so much suffering if we buy into the illusion. I buy into it less and less each time something or someone goes in or out of my life. That doesn't mean that the person or object wasn't meaningful in the moment, but the moment is gone to the next chapter if you will.
What or who are you attached to? Make a list. What would you do if they or those objects or feelings died or were taken from you? Do you trust that your are provided all you need within? That the higher power provides you with the strength within to overcome any obstacles.....

Booked to head to Washington the state...

After the train totally sold out, I found a plane ticket just my price..Yah! So I am going to the cosmology intensive that Jade is teaching. I spoke with K and Ade from my circle about rides and shelter. Ade will put me up one night and then we'll pick up Jade on Friday. I will be staying with K in Bellingham and flying out of Seattle on Monday.I feel I will be in good hands over the weekend. Hopefully, I will be able to get a plane ticket in June, too, for the cella circle weekend on Environment, I think. I have much to do before than...., but I ready should be focused on packing for this weeks adventure.

Erin at Tullius will be pleased I can work Wed. and Mon. nights for the speciality yoga classes:prenatal and gentle adaptive.

Anyways, I trying to figure out how to fit my yoga mat in my luggage for my checked bag. Hmmm....I will need my morning ashtanga.

the viruses are coming.....

I have never in my experience as a web designer heard of viruses on a website moving for one to another via a simple link on a page. Have you? I am serious. I want to know the truth here. When I was denied a link from my bio on Yoga Village to my own business website, Indigo Moon Yoga, I was shocked due to the reason-possible computer virus. I don't know if I believe it, but C sure does. After chatting with two website security consultants they clear up the issue that was rattleing in my head.
Could my website be infected? how? why?
Well, the truth is yes. The latest fad in computer hacking world is finding the weakest websites via the search engine google and putting a virus of the seemingly protected website, so hackers can get your personal info and sell it to crinmals, who will bleed your bank account or send spam emails, for example. Nowadays, computers exactly do the dirty work and of course a computer program to search out weak sites doesn't care if your website gets two web hits a week or two million. The computer hacking will serve you a virus just the same. So caution....the viruses are googling...

Awakening before it was cool or before Oprah.....

A few years ago, I witnessed my yoga teacher reading the Eckhart Tolle book, The Power of Now. I picked this book up at the bookstore and read it cover to cover while subbing in English classes over the course of a week. The openness and direct favor of Tolle's voice was inspiring and enlightening. When I heard he was to release his latest creation, A New Earth, I put it on my "To Read" list, and lucky for me so did Oprah.

I had forgotten this new tome of illuminating work on the ego until I saw the flashy Oprah special on Tolle and his awakening experience. I pick up the book and have been reading along with O fans, doing the workbook questions on Oprah.com and chatting with friends about the book. Who knew Oprah was secretly a teacher and avert student of yogi principles? Hmmm...does she do yoga? Well, anyway I am grateful the big O is supporting a community of people into their awakening. The whole experience the classes, workbook and chatting sessions have opened communication about one's life purpose or present moment and even better humanity as a whole.

My tummy is full, but I am still striking a yoga pose

Well, three months has pasted....I have two jobs now. I am the primary yoga teacher at Tullius Chiropractic & Pilates Center and the Ashtanga, Family yoga teacher at Yoga Village Studio . Of course, I am doing my Thai Massage thing at both places once my permits go through at the end of the month. The Yoga Village studio is off to your right, I'm posing in wheel...nice place;>

P has visited for a week, a glorious week of hiking and walking along the beach at sunset. This pic is from Pirates Cove. Hmmm-I miss P.

In a few weeks, I will be hopping a train to Washington for my Cella intensive with Jade and my cella sisters. I can't believe it.

"Gichi-manidoo-giizis" or The Great Spirit Moon

On this Janurary full moon, I give thanks and gratutide for the joureny I am on.

Fairies at the market...

I have been recently ganging out with my sister-in-law, LA. We definitely share a level of understanding about the family we married into. I am grateful we have each other and that I have P's family to support us during this big move.
LA and I went to the San Luis Obispo farmers market
bought some organic apples, strawberries and happen to stop at the GALA table. Well, actually I stopped to find out the social calender of my follow gay community, so I could meet ladies of my variety, bi-friendly. The more I live in the central coast area, the more I realize how socially conservative it is. So up onto this point I was a straight married woman (to all of P's California relatives), now I am out. I was concerned about how I would be received by P's step-siblings based on a few rude homophobic commons regarding GLBT identified people on TV. I'll let that ball drop when I am more than ready.
Anyways, LA and I got some frothy hot drinks, had some gourmet chocolate treats, and talked about deep seeded issues from our pasts, and how we have evolved. If the car I was using didn't have the check engine light on and would go over there tomorrow just to gang out.

Oh, yeah...I am going to a ladies chips & chat at the SLO GALA community center..;)

Touched by Sufi wisdom & Pandora's Box

Ever since I danced the 21 praises of Tara and met up with B, I have been using "The Sufi Book of Life" to answer my questions regarding my recent life changes. Doubt and fear crept in for a second or two and I just ask the book not for soothing conformation, but more insight into my sufi-dom. I have put out the word that I am looking for some spiritual friends via witchvox and have surprisingly found a Universal Dance of Peace group in SLO to join. I am yearning to make connections with like-minded people in the areas I enjoy: yoga, bellydancing, goddess spirtuality, ritual dancing, knitting, beading, etc.

Last night, I was wrestling with my desire to reconnect with GR, yet now I live even farther away. I am just trusting the Goddess as a bigger picture to this plan, a mystery I can't see.